On death and being loved to life.
01/22/07
One of my close friend’s father died. We went to his Janaza/Funeral prayer on Saturday, and I got a chance to at least see her and offer her my helpless words and presence. My husband and I have both had dinner with him a couple of times, and he was a very engaging and accomplished man. May God accept his good deeds and elevate his soul to the highest realm of Jannah (amin).
I feel my age perhaps, or it is these past two weeks where I am forced to deal and reconcile with this not so distant reality. I do ponder on death a lot. I think of what I leave behind and I worry about my little one(s). I am anxious about fulfilling my potential and dying without a strand of unused energy left…yet, again, it’s always on an abstract level. Attending the funeral prayers, watching loved ones mourn, weeping alongside them, shakes me internally and at a deeper level I face my own shadows and I know I am not ready…not yet.
I have been coming down with another cold. More Flu like this time, with chills, fever, coughing, sniffling. My little one has been spared, thank God for that. I slept fitfully on Saturday night, tossing and turning, feverish and cold. When dawn broke on Sunday, with my toddler’s cheerful face, my husband was kind enough to usher him out the door and leave me to rest.
I barely finished Fajr, before crawling back into bed and literally passing out. I went in and out of consciousness for a couple of hours, not believing the incredible blessing I had long lost touch with of actually sleeping in. At around 10 or so, my sweet loving men (big dude and little dude), brought me a nice warm bowl of oatmeal, and a couple of magazines, I was ordered bed rest.
I read a fluffy detective novel, changing positions ever so often because my body was actually hurting from this luxury. I dozed on and off, keeping an ear out for my toddler (who never cried for me). At 1:00pm my husband woke me up to pray; and offered me a warm plate of pasta and home cooked scrumptious ground beef and potato sauce. I ate heartily (doesn’t food taste so much better when you didn’t cook it yourself?) and surprised myself by dozing off again.
I don’t know what my husband and baby were doing to keep each other entertained all day. But when I heard the laundry being done and saw my husband putting away clothes, I was dazed and confused into imagining I was dead and had silently drifted into heaven without even realizing it.
By the evening, I took my first shower of the day, and stumbled into a sparkling clean kitchen, a happy well fed baby and a solicitous husband who was offering to make me a plate of food.
I know I don’t talk about my relationship often, to keep that modicum of privacy going, but days like yesterday, need to be recounted and celebrated. On another level, it is these small daily doses of kindnesses offered freely that have taught me the thousand and one ways to love and be loved.
I thought I would have trouble sleeping at night, but far from it. I slept like a spoilt woman who was offered a luxurious relaxing day like a gift from above with lace and rainbows tied around it. It was snowing on and off for the first time this warm winter, and as I snuggled under the blanket, drifting like beautiful snowflakes, I couldn’t help but sigh a prayer for my beloved and give gratitude for another day of being cherished, nurtured, and loved.
I love you dearheart, and may our love only continue to grow and deepen with time (amin)
01/22/07 at 9:53 am
Mashallah! And that is all I can say and all that is needed. I love loving husbands! They are truly a gift from Allah!
01/22/07 at 11:42 am
“But when I heard the laundry being done and saw my husband putting away clothes, I was dazed and confused into imagining I was dead and had silently drifted into heaven without even realizing it.”
This made me laugh out loud, and the rest made me cry. Love, comfort, kindness, taking care of each other, that is a real marriage. You are blessed, and so is he, and so is your child, and so are we to know you
Ya Haqq!
01/22/07 at 12:41 pm
Mash’Allah…it snowed by you yesterday? I think we live close to one another…DUN DUN DUN….
01/22/07 at 1:58 pm
Mashallah. It is true what Suroor had mentioned about “loving loving husbands”. Have enough rest dear and inshallah you will feel much better. And amin to your prayer. Maliha, I have the same “concerns” of my mortality as any mother would have. We think of our young ones,our loving mates and inshallah may Allah s.w.t bless each moment we have with our loved ones. Amin.
01/22/07 at 3:46 pm
mashaallah mashaallah.
It wasn’t N’s father, was it?
01/22/07 at 3:49 pm
Wow.
There does seem to be some flu and something going on around these days. Blasted winter.
Very considerate of your husband to do the laundry. I have noticed that babies often understand when their mothers are sick and automatically tone down their wailing and other disturbances. Don’t know if it’s a general truth however.
01/22/07 at 4:02 pm
Salamaat,
Suroor: You know the deal
Irving: Thank you, you are too kind
UmmabdurRahman: are you in the DC area?
Koonj: Who is N? Sufyan’s father yes…N? Have no idea who that is.
Mezba: Not always on the baby toning down theory…just sometimes we do get lucky.
01/22/07 at 4:18 pm
Did you show this post to him?
He might say if you are well enough to blog you are well enough to cook lol..
but good on you to have a great husband.
01/22/07 at 4:28 pm
Salamaat,
Haleem don’t worry life was back to usual today…worked from home, took care of baby and made dinner. I do feel much better though
01/22/07 at 5:03 pm
Can you have your dh call my dh? I was on bedrest once and my dh’s idea of cooking was microwaving egg omelettes!
01/22/07 at 5:25 pm
Yea Maliha, can your dh give my dh a call re: the cooking?
the laundry he can handle. cooking, not so much. May your marriage and family always be so loving, and remain protected from any harm (ameen).
01/22/07 at 5:28 pm
maliha,
i didn’t know you knew N too… small world! she and i were at CP together, she was undergrad and i was grad, boht in journalism. i didn’t get to see her when she was in town a couple of weeks ago, and we actually got to the janazah prayer on saturday just after they finished, so i didn’t get to see her. so helpless… i can’t imagine what she’s going through. he was truly a wonderful man and such a loving father and grandfather.
01/22/07 at 5:58 pm
Salaam sis,
…all I can add is that I hope I’ll be blessed with a considerate husband too
…is the N being referred to the one we discovered we both knew? Let me know so I can email her.
Ayesha, I think I know you; I went to CP too. Innteresting to see that you know Maliha too….small world indeed
01/22/07 at 8:13 pm
How nice to be pampered by loved ones..
01/22/07 at 9:11 pm
And you didn’t even have to ask! I know you didn’t ask because it sounds like you were in no condition to do so
The thought that maybe you’d died and gone to heaven made me laugh – it sounds like you received the perfect medicine.
01/22/07 at 11:09 pm
mashAllah and amin to your du’as. Suroor’s right you know, loving husbands are a ne’ma from Allah SWT!
01/23/07 at 12:03 am
I know what you mean. I have been thinking about the whole deal with death and what not, recently. In the end, I think what matters is is how good we are to one another as people, the rest are just footnotes.
01/23/07 at 7:26 am
Salamaat,
(Maleeha amin on the duah).
Ummadam and Maleeha: memos are being sent with full recipes attached
Ayesha: Yes, we went to grad school together…She was in the room and they hung around for a long time after the Janaza..but there were lotsa people. Do email/call her though. I know her dad was awesome Mashaallah, and so down to earth too…Alhamdullillah.
Mwana: Yes, and I am sooo sorry I forgot to tell you, we could have driven together!
anne: *sigh*
Mr. Angry: I do feel much better! and that’s the best part, not having to ask…
Mona: yes Alhamdullillah
Alianmirza: I like that “the rest are just footnotes”…its funny how interpersonal relationships are the last thing we pay attention to, and yet the only ones that truly matter in defining our real character.
01/23/07 at 12:50 pm
aww, that’s so sweet of him. Glad you’re feeling better
My husband husband hasn’t cooked something for me since i had my first child LOL. But he is very helpful in all other areas so i can’t complain. He does make me tea every night after dinner 
01/23/07 at 1:19 pm
maliha, i will inshallah!
mwana, mwana, haven’t seen you since that brief moment at the oweis clan aqiqah! good to hear from you. come visit my blog and email me - tanisha and sara ansari and farah and i still get together pretty often, you must join us inshallah!
01/23/07 at 11:31 pm
oh, i missed this post yesterday
inshaAllah I hope you are feeling much better!! and mashaAllah, mashaAllah for the rest of the story!!
01/24/07 at 10:38 am
Salamaat,
Mona: that’s so sweet he does make you tea after dinner…it’s nice when they are helpful period. Makes life a lot easier on the momma.
Ayesha: See my blog is forging reunions already
Shaz: I am feeling better Alhamdullillah
02/24/07 at 1:02 am
Subhanallah Maliha I’m just reading this today..Please keep us in your duas…it is hard, and Allah swt is the only one who can truly comfort you at this time.
Mwana and Ayesha…I always see your comments on Maliha’s blog, and didn’t know it was you guys…!
02/24/07 at 10:07 am
Salamaat,
Nashi: It’s so good to hear from you. How are you? how is everything? When Mwana said she knew you, I flipped out. It’s such a small world! She is actually my semi-neighbor, we meet quite often. Anywho, love ya sis take care of you and stay in touch!