Thought Patrol and Mind Control

Research now shows that averages of 77% of what people think are negative thoughts. We literally have thousands of thoughts running through our heads all day long. Some are neutral, observational thoughts, others are bouncing, happy and joyful thoughts, and others still are negative, slimy, and sad ones. 

The amount of stress a person feels in a given context; is not induced by the situational circumstances rather by the thoughts that person harbors. For instance, two people can be in the same situation, with the same life circumstances, yet one can still remain upbeat about it; while the other is sulky and depressing to be around. 

Studies have shown that the difference between the stressed-out people versus the happy people (given the same circumstances) is their thought processes. The stressed out person tends to snow ball the negative thoughts into a larger than life phenomenon that probably bears little resemblance to their real situation. And since life is all about perceptions; their life will generally suck primarily because of their outlook and not necessarily their context. 

An every day example could be average Joe walks in five minutes late to work. As Murphy has it, he sees his supervisor, who hurries by him with a quick nod of the head. 

Joe then starts thinking “OMG, not only am I late, but I run into my supervisor! just my stupid LUCK! Nothing good EVER happens to me. I just hate this STUPID life. He didn’t say hi either. I wonder if he is mad at me. I am such a loser. OMG, I need to work on my resume. I think he will fire me. Actually i KNOW he will fire me. Oh gosh, how will I feed my family, my poor children will suffer. The mortgage is due. What if I don’t find a job right away? OMG we are going to be homeless. Is he really going to fire me? I can’t believe it! Why me? o’ why?” 

Okay, that’s a bit too dramatic, but you get the point I am trying to bring across don’t you? 

A happy sunny personality walks into work five minutes late; sees the supervisor; says “Hi” with a big smile and whistles on to his little cubicle where he conveniently perched photos of his sunny smiley children and breathtaking landscapes, to make his workplace a little more cheerful. He sighs, and smiles before happily logging on to check his email and browse the net. 

Reality is, most people are probably in between the two extreme examples above. But we all have those dreary days when negative thoughts bombard us; and the little inconveniences we face throughout the day only serve to confirm to us our outlook. 

We sat through stress management workshop recently (yes, I do hate these sessions on principle and yes that was a negative thought); but this one idea (although seemingly commonsensical) stuck out in my mind.  

A simple exercise to control your thoughts can actually change your entire life.  

The workshop coordinators made us sit through an exercise where we simply acknowledge our thoughts. He said just let them flow. Now of course, my thoughts were kind of blocked out because I was aware I was doing this stupid exercise, when I would rather be doing something else (yes, another negative thought acknowledged). But the point of it was to note the stream of negative and positive thoughts; and to let the negative thoughts glide by (like clouds); and amplify the positive thoughts.  

He said something that stuck with me “if we can easily see the disastrous consequences of everything around us; then why can’t we amplify the positives around us”. So, if you have a single positive thought streaming through your mind, hang on to it for dear life; and amplify it and look at all the myriad of ways it is awesome.  

When I was young I used to daydream a lot (go figure). I would spend so much time lying down in our veranda and staring at the fluffy clouds and imagining I lived up there in my own castle and I was a princess (yes, laugh if you will). And only recently have I been in touch with that precious innocence through my vicariously reliving my childhood (courtesy and inspiration of my Sufyan). 

We took him to the park just two days ago; and while he was feeding the fish in the lake with his dad; I lay down on a rock to stare at the sky. Tears threatened to overwhelm my being; I literally couldn’t remember the last time I had taken a moment to do so since those early years of my life. I sat a while longer to relish that sweet feeling of deja vu`; and there I was a little girl again; and the universe so huge and wondrous and those clouds so near; and my castle just over there waiting for me. As if on cue, flocks of birds flew in from the horizon to tantalize me with their synchronized dances of praise. 

To me the essence of gratitude lies in these random thoughts on thoughts For to dwell constantly on the negativity around us (and there’s too much of it; enough to darken the soul and weigh us down); is to lose sight of the incredible blessings that are constantly given to us; freely and abundantly.  

The whole concept of Remembrance/Dhikr in Islam lies in magnifying the Source of all Goodness and Blessings. For to say “Praise God”/Alhamdullillah we will our Minds to not only appreciate that gift; but magnify and connect it back to the Provider of all gifts. 

 

Another connection I made to the necessity of policing our own thoughts was yesterday. We were invited to Iftaar in company of some people I have some discomfort being around (enough said). My mom made a passing comment on something; and immediately a very nasty, negative retort (about the people aforementioned) came to my lips. I bit it back, in the spirit of kindness and consciousness of fasting, swallowed it; and changed topics.

 

I have to clarify something here; I am not perfect; I struggle with being nice and I have my own share of negativity and backbiting to answer to (that I pray God forgives me for). But this one little moment, was a huge significant victory for me. It seemed like it wasn’t hard; an impulse at best; that I easily squashed with a conscious check of my mind. If I could do that; I could certainly control anything in my life.

 

There’s one more thing during the session that interested me (which is not so useless now that I reflect on it). The coordinator said that before any reaction (of anger, emotion, retorting) we have a split second to make a decision. The key to wisdom is to take advantage of that split second; and have a mantra to remind ourselves of what is important. Some people repeatedly say “It’s not worth it” and walk away. I thought how perfect, as Muslims we are taught the importance of seeking refuge from Satan and that would be a perfect moment to do so.

 

This whole process of unfolding the mind and gaining control of our selves is perfectly summarized by the following quote by Lao-Tsu “”Kindness in thought leads to wisdom. Kindness in speech leads to eloquence. Kindness in action leads to love.” (which I ‘borrowed’ courtesy of SA Moms; awesome blog by the way, check it out).

 

My little act of kindness yesterday was not done to a person; but to my own soul. I prevented myself from hurting someone behind their backs; and thus was kind to my own soul. Because of that thought-ful act, I am able to breathe a little easier today, my conscience is a bit clearer now, and perhaps it’s a small but significant step towards being a better and kinder person.

 

May God’s peace and blessings be upon you and your loved ones; and may we learn to implement that which will free our souls (amin).

 

(cross posted at http://kindnesscampaign.wordpress.com)