Letter to the Imam who gave a short Khutbah last night

Assalamu Alaykum,

My family and I started to come to Taraweeh and partake in Iftar with the community.It has been such an uplifting exprience for us and for that we would like to thank all the people who have put so much work in pulling the nightly events off so seamlessly. I understand the logistics are complicated but Mashaallah you are all doing an awesome job. May Allah bless you continually and reward you for all your hardwork. 

Last night, I managed to attend Taraweeh child-free, courtesy of my husband who in his infinite compassion has agreed to split the Taraweeh nights between us; so that we can both have our (much needed) share of spiritual upliftment and the rewards of congregational prayers as well as the break a mother sorely needs to be able to focus and pray without interruption (which is not likely to happen at home with a toddler). Since the Prophet (SAW) prayed both at home and at the Masjid; his example only inspired my husband more.                      

 Yesterday, I was really looking forward to the talk and the inspiration I usually get from that. But one thing you said in your reminder to sisters especially made me really concerned.  

You had mentioned the necessity of dressing modestly, which I agree with; without any question. In a country that glorifies the objectification of women, I find it awesome to have a channel to resist that; and to be able to interact with the wider society without baring my body and making my presence charged with sexual innuendos. I find the obligation for Muslim women to dress modestly, actually frees me to be able to have interactions and outline the boundaries of my relationships with men before even opening my mouth. 

But, as you were amplifying on the necessity for modesty; I felt that you took it too far in stating that wearing Niqab/burqa is even better. I honestly couldn’t believe you make that statement for the following reasons: 

a) My dear brother, although you insisted that you understand the struggle of Muslim women in Western countries; the statement above drove home the point that you really have no idea what we go through. I watched you, sitting there, with your modest beard, your casual T-shirt and jeans…telling us that our Jihad lies in completely covering ourselves head to foot and literally sealing any possibility of our interaction with the wider society.  

You could be anyone; walking down the street, young, jean clad man with an accent…nothing distinguishes you from the regular “joe”; perhaps a little foreign, an immigrant for sure, but that’s where it stops. Do you really understand what it is like for a woman, in the current climate of Islamophobia and the tensions we live in, to walk out just in Hijab and modest clothes, not to add the incredibly jarring appearance of Niqab/burqa? Do you really understand the visceral reaction of loathing we inspire in other people? 

b)Sentiments of Jihad: Yes, I understand your response maybe, “Yes sister, but that’s your Jihad to deal with that hate and who cares they are Kuffar and in the end you are the victorious one”. But I disagree with that sentiment completely. 

By prescribing my Jihad/struggle to be in the realm of dress ONLY you have already suffocated me. You have already determined that my only place in this western society is to simply show the “others” how different I am. There is no hope for ever reaching out to anyone out there; and the fear I will generate is understandable. Even some Muslim women find  Niqabis a little intimidating. Do you realize how depressingly isolating that idea is?  

c) Going back to the Quran; one of my dear and favorite ayahs in there states: “: The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.”(9:71) 

How are supposed to accomplish the goal of enjoining good and forbidding evil if we our entrance to society is sealed before we even walk out the door? 

We are mothers; how can we make sure our children grow up to be responsible, conscientious citizens of this world, when we are not a part of this world at all? 

How are we supposed to interact with the school systems, work in voluntary organizations, better this society that we are a part of (and that we have an obligation to better it; in the same way that we are evidently benefiting from it).  

How can we participate in outreach activities and open doors of dialogue with other people; if we are content to be “different” and that’s where the struggle ends? 

d) I understand some women choose to wear Niqab and I totally respect them and support them in their choice. But at the same time, this can not and should not be an imposition to every Muslim woman. We all have different goals and different struggles within the larger struggle of obeying God. To me, participating actively in this society is as much an obligation on me as is any other form of worship. Some people prefer the solitude of exclusion and that’s their prerogative. 

e) You said Niqab is not a cultural phenomenon: but I also disagree. In Saudi Arabia, I chose to wear Niqab because it freed me from harassment and it provided me with the safety of being able to walk around freely without having men ogle me. 

But in this country, wearing Niqab only puts you in the spotlight and opens you up for harassment.  

Yes, the sentiment is “If you look jarringly different you might open doors of communication and do Dawah” but I don’t want my dawah to be limited to simply matters of dress.  

We have huge problems in the Ummah and the least of which is women not dressing modestly enough. 

Have you watched the news lately? Do you hear about brothers in Gitmo, about wars launched in our name, about hunger in Darfur, about the rise of homelessness, joblessness, addictions in our own backyards? There are global problems with the environment, with exploitation and injustices/mischief spreading all over the earth…Are you content as a Muslim to turn away from all these issues and pin down the struggle to my mode of dress? Are we seriously that simplistic?  

Do you realize you are narrowing me down and politicizing my existence in the same detrimental way the Media and politicians do?  

f) While I can sit there and process your words; there was a convert woman dressed impeccably with her Hijab and Overcoat, looking extremely modest. But when you said those words, I could only imagine what impact that would have on her. 

I am repeating myself; do you realize how hard it is to be a Muslim woman in America today? How much harder it is to leave ones family, society, and gradient and embrace Islam only to be isolated from life itself? 

g) The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) always without fail, leaned more towards ease. When there was two options and both were equally good he would choose the easier path to make religion gentle; NOT a burden on her adherents. When we opt for excessively harsh measures to prove our piety, we are end up only hurting our souls; and that hurt manifests itself in being harsh to others. I miss the Prophet (Peace be upon him) dearly. I miss him, because only he seemed to be intent on truly liberating the soul (whether male or female) and only he seemed to truly internalize the beauty of this deen. It’s not to confine, to prove through symbolic means what our piety is; but to truly strive to serve humanity, make a difference in this world, and do it all with the intent of pleasing Allah; in the beautiful manner He instructs us to do so. 

Wearing Niqab and wearing Hijab/dressing modestly are two options; for most struggling women like me, wearing Hijab/dressing modestly offers us the ideal balance of being able to make inroads in this society while proudly adhering and representing our faith (what better way to counter the myth of women being oppressed in Islam?).  

Wearing Niqab in the West is a choice some women make and I love them and support them in that choice fully. But that choice should not be imposed on everyone else; especially if it will hinder our growth as a community here.  

I know how easy it is to dismiss my words as another “lost soul” or another “progressive wanna-be-voice” of Islam. I am neither. The multifold terms of progressive, traditionalist, extremist make absolutely no sense to me. I am a Muslim, a woman, a global soul struggling to better myself, my surroundings and worship God. I only pray that in the spirit of all that is auspicious in this month that you will at least reflect upon these words and at best give a clarification on the lecture you gave yesterday; for the sake of all that is good about this deen. 

The last thing; you mentioned about the necessity of keeping children at home during Taraweeh; which I totally agree with; it’s late for most children and past their bedtime and they should not be running around while others are praying. Perhaps, you can mention the possibility of brothers allowing their wives the space and time to come to Taraweeh a couple of times a week; so that other mothers out there can also benefit from the awesome rewards this month offers us? 

And yes I know that a woman’s prayer is best done at home; but when the home is filled with work to do and children running around, it is hard to find that peace that being in a congregation affords. If you encourage men to help their wives; coming from you it might inspire one or two of them to afford their wives the luxury of praying in peace. I pray you take these words to heart too. 

Again, I meant no offense by my statements above. I just pray that we are all guided and that if I am wrong; may Allah forgive me and May He show us all a better and higher path of goodness and righteousness (amin). 

May the peace and blessings of this month be showered upon you (amin).  

Your sister,

Maliha.

 

Salamaat,

I feel like this letter is a kin to exploding a hand grenade in public. Muslim women (and men) are very passionate about this topic of how a Muslim woman should dress. I sent this letter to the Imam, and my aim is NOT to denigrate Niqab but to simply bring up other salient points concerning dress…especially since his overwhelming message last night seemed to be hinging on wearing niqab as the epitome of Muslim woman piety; a sentiment I disagree with.  

 

I have never written a letter to an Imam on something I disagreed with before (I would have written many to date) but I felt compelled; because this is an act of kindness; tough love if you will; to bring our collective attention to larger issues in life and to provide some perspective on what it means to be a Muslim woman in America especially to a man who may not understand the struggle and dynamics.

It was written in the spirit of love; and I hope women who do choose to don the Niqab (My best friend being one) do not feel offended or insulted by this letter.

Peace and blessings.